I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
