We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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