??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
