My nipple is on Facebook.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
