You're completely useless in the revolution.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
