I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
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