took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Randomize
