it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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