My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Barsexuality is the new black.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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