Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
