I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
