What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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