Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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