My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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