mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
