dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
