and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
