It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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