1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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