bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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