Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
