I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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