Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
