I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
