i dont even know how to be here
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
