I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
