He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
