So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
