The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
