I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i love accidental penises.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
