You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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