So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
