I wanna bring you to show and tell
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
