I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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