i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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