That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
