I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
worst night to have a conscience
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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