She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
