meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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