She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
