he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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