i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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