I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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