it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
