This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
