So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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