My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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