He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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