is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
