Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
