we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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